Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
