The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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