New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
