In the future we'll all be gay
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize