I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
