How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
