Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
