these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
