Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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