I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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