Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
