Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
