My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
