Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
