my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
