kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
