and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
