Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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