Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
