god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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