Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
