Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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