Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
