yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
