I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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