you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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