I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
