I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
