It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
