opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i now understand why vodka
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
