how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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