umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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