I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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