i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
