He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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