I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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