I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
