I bet he comes in French.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
