Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
