You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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