you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
