he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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