I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
