He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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