I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
