fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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