If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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