Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
