i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
