apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
