Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize